I hear my friends say all the time that girls like assholes. Guys that will jerk her around and treat her like crap and will make the girl be putty in his hands. I’m here to set the record straight. This applies to guys and girls (I’ve heard my girl friends saying how guys only like bitches…) because no one wants a doormat! What you think is you being “nice” is really you going out of your way for someone that hasn’t committed to you or shown you that they’ve earned that kind of dedication from you. That makes you a doormat. NOT a nice guy.
Now, don’t get me wrong! There is a certain sex appeal to the bad boy. To that guy that will run circles around your life. But that is not relationship material and every girl knows that. Whether she will admit it or not is a different story, but deep down us girls all know that the bad boy is a temporary distraction. I’m sure you’re saying yeah but so and so is still hung up on this one dude that cheated, treated her bad, stole her puppy etc etc… truth is that’s a girl with deep rooted self esteem issues, daddy issues, and many other dysfunctional personality issues that if you’re looking for a serious stable healthy relationship you should stay away from!
Every relationship is a give and take, whether it be with your siblings, friends, family, coworkers. When it isn’t it’s dysfunctional. If your boss treats you like crap, doesn’t appreciate your hard work you feel bad, you aren’t getting back what you’re investing. Doesn’t work. Same rules apply to the dating world.
My buddy is currently dating this girl. She’s cute, she’s smart, she has her life together. So does he. He’s a med student, has a great family, they’re very supportive and close knit.
He and this girl started seeing each other a few months back. Whenever they hang out he’s very respectful. He hasn’t touched her… AT ALL, no kissing no holding hands- nothing.
At the beginning she would text him good morning every morning and send messages when she was bored. She’d tell him when she was going out and with whom. All signs that she’s into him.
All of a sudden she’s kind of detached herself. He doesn’t hear from her as much. He’s getting the feeling that she’s bored.
Let’s get some more details: She lives two hours from him. He drives down to see her, she hasn’t ever driven to him. Once he drove down and they went to best buy and he cosigned for her to get an Ipad. Then she talked about wanting a case for it. He went out of his way (He doesn’t think that he did. But the fact that he’s doing this and she isn’t his girlfriend is him going out of his way for her.) to find her a case. She texted him reminding him of the color that she wanted and that she needs a screen protector too.
Within that conversation she sent him a very telling text: “You prob think I’m so annoying”. Remember this is right after she asked for the case and screen protector. He responded that he doesn’t for a second think that she’s annoying and the anything that will make her comfortable he will happily do.
A few weeks later she starts to detach herself.
You might be tempted to think that he’s being nice and that girls respond to guys treating them like crap and this is why NICE guys finish last.
He’s being a doormat! There is a fine line between a doormat and nice guy. He should save all of those “I will do anything for you” responses until she’s his girlfriend and they have touched, kissed, had sex. Right now he’s showing her that she can take advantage of him. The two hour drives without her reciprocating? NOT an equal partnership. Nothing that will make her want to do better for him.
He can salvage this. Right now he needs to call her up and plan a date in HIS area. If she says she’s busy try one more time to invite her down. After that, cut it off. She is not making this equal and YOU deserve better. (And that fact is a VERY important issue that I’ll discuss in a later blog.)
Have her come down and hang out in a romantic setting. Go out to dinner, then take her for a walk in the park. Hold her hand. (Hell doesn’t matter how many actual dates- they’ve been seeing each other and had some form of contact for MONTHS!! Trust me it counts!) Yes, there is the possibility that she’ll reject the hand holding. Look at it like a test. You are testing out whether she is worthy of you or not. You are seeing whether she is as attracted to you as you are to her. If she isn’t and she rejects the hand holding (Which is a very non-sexual, sweet thing.) then SHE failed and you are now free to find that person that is worthy of YOU.
This is also important to touch on: since he hasn’t touched her, he hasn’t moved the relationship forward. He is slowly putting himself in the friend zone. By the second date he should have kissed her cheek, held her hand, guided her by putting his hand on the small of her back… SOMETHING that will make her see that he is physically attracted to her. Right now, he’s just a good friend that buys her dinner and expensive gifts and that’s where he’ll stay until he makes a move. And if she rejects the move? Then she’s not that into him. By the first date the girl already knows whether she will eventually sleep with the guy or not. She may not kiss him then, or let him touch her, after all he needs to prove he likes her for her and not her huge rack or badonkadonk!! But by the second date some physical contact is ok, nothing overtly sexual, but a light touch on her hand while at dinner is perfectly fine.
So guys, if she’s kissed your penis, go ahead and tell her you’ll do anything for her!! And save going out of your way for her for when she’s your girlfriend!
Post your comments and questions guys and gals!