Once Upon a Time…

And the princess married the pauper girl, rescuing her from the misery of her existence and living happily ever after! Damned if that isn’t a great ending!

From the time that we’re cognizant we start being bombarded with images of magic pumpkins and love at first sight. Then we become teenagers and still, the movies we see are all about the gorgeous cheerleader falling in love with the nerdy boy and leaving her super hot football player boyfriend for him. Then we grow into adult hood, after failing at finding that magical love at first sight feeling, and even still the movies show us two people meeting and immediately both just knowing that they are each others’ “the one”. They overcome trial and tribulation and end up together, wait for it…. living happily ever after.

Ok, seriously speaking I can guarantee you that you can scour high schools across the world and I doubt that you’ll find many cheerleaders getting it on with the skinny geeky kid from chess club.

Not to mention the speed at which these people get together, decide that they are perfect and begin to lead that perfect life. In reality it takes time! Serious time! Personally, when I’m dating it takes me three or four months to decide that I want to commit to this one person. (And no, there is no sex while I’m dating!) After that, it becomes official and then it’s slowly getting to know the family time, finding out the bad stuff, the good stuff, the weird stuff! Key word here is: SLOWLY! Rushing only leads to someone feeling pushed and then disappearing.

It’s no wonder we have such issues finding the right person, we’re fed this insane idea that romance and love is just something that happens if we encounter “the one” and live happily ever after with no issues, no obstacles, nothing ever to cause even the slightest ripple in that ocean of love between soul mates.

Reality check people!! There is so much psychology and so science behind love. We can isolate the chemicals that create bonds (Oxytocin) between two people and when those chemicals will go away and what to do about initiating their return. I’ll get into the straight science behind it, soon. It’s boring and long so I’d rather not get into it here.

There is no magic. It is what it is.

It is these preconceived notions about what love and romance should be, and not mention our “gender roles” in them that messes us up so badly.

So what do we do? Laugh at the ridiculousness of Hollywood’s romantic drama’s and comedies and romance novels. Meet someone and without having the expectation that you’re going to see if you fall madly in love at first sight, meet them with the expectation and thrill that you’re going on an adventure to find out about someone new. What do they like? What do they do? How does that coincide with what you do and like?

There’s so much to say and I’ve found so much research on how society and culture has skewed our perceptions and expectations on love and romance that I’ve decided to make this an introduction with more parts to come.

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